Feeling lost with your style after becoming a mom
“After becoming a mom I lost my sense of style. I no longer know who I am, what I want, and how to get dressed”
Oh my. Palms sweating. I’m excited but also a bit nervous as I embark on this topic. As a mom myself, I can say that the question of personal style and how you feel in your clothes after becoming a parent is about far more than just clothes. It’s about regaining your sense of self and answering a very important question: who am I after such a major life change? What does this “new me” want and need to feel happy?
It’s also quite a sensitive topic because it touches on your changing body and how you feel in it. I will do my best to approach this as respectfully and delicately as possible. I know it’s not as simple as saying, “you should love and accept yourself as you are.” While that’s true, after years of working with many new moms as a stylist, I can confidently say that the journey to accepting your new body isn’t easy. As you adjust to these new realities, you still want to feel confident and beautiful in your clothes. Knowing how to work with your new body in terms of style, while not highlighting vulnerable areas, is crucial for feeling confident in your outfits.
I asked you here on Substack about your style struggles after becoming a mom, and everything you shared felt SO relatable. I’ve included many of your responses in this post. Clearly, we’re all in this together, and no one should feel alone in feeling lost with their style. Even when we receive compliments like “you look great,” it doesn’t really matter if you’re not the one feeling it. You have your own image in your head of how you want to look and feel, right?
With this introduction, let me dive into this deep and multi-layered topic of reconnecting with your style after becoming a mom.
WHAT’S IT LIKE TO RECONNECT WITH YOUR STYLE AFTER HAVING KIDS?
A typical email from a new mom client starts with: “I no longer know what suits my body type or how to get dressed. I’m still trying to lose my pregnancy weight, and I’m not even sure if now is the right time to work on my wardrobe. Please advise.”
Here are some other things you shared with me here that I personally felt were so relatable:
“Mom of 3 and my biggest struggle was the years AFTER having kids where I had to regain my identity. I couldn’t really figure out my personal style until I figured out who I was again”
“It took me years to feel like myself again. With style in particular, I struggled with wanting to dress one way, but it not being practical or fitting with my life as a mom (breast feeding, messy kids, etc). It felt discouraging at first and made me confused about what my style was”
To some, it might sound like no big deal—rebuilding a wardrobe after having a baby, getting new clothes. I disagree. Reconnecting with your style, to me, is about reconnecting with your needs and yourself. It’s about asking: What do I want?
The magic of style is that it connects multiple areas:
Our physical bodies (How do I make myself feel comfortable in what I wear?)
Our emotional state (Do I want to be seen, or do I want to hide?)
Our character (Who am I? What do I want to express through my style?)
After having kids, we are constantly attuned to someone else’s needs, often forgetting to pay attention to our own. The more we focus on others (i.e., our little human beings), the more disconnected we become from ourselves, including our style and wardrobe. Reconnecting with your style after having a baby is a great sign that you’re on your way to reclaiming yourself. If your style isn’t making you happy, don’t ignore it. Listen to yourself and what you truly want.
MY NEW BODY
“I think I’ve bought like 10 pairs of jeans already, and none fit right. Sizing up doesn’t help—things just fit so differently. I feel like I have a totally new body,” my friend tells me.
Areas where you might notice the most changes after having a baby:
Bigger or differently shaped breasts
Softer, squishier belly (aka "mom pooch")
Wider hips
Even changes in foot size!
When your body goes through changes, the hardest part is reconsidering the cuts and styles you buy. You might keep reaching for the same things you wore pre-pregnancy, but even when you size up, they don’t work the same way. It’s not easy to answer: “What do I like most about my new body, and what do I want to highlight?” because our brains tend to focus on what we don’t like.
Changing your shopping habits and starting to dress for your new body type can be incredibly beneficial. First, you’ll feel more comfortable and confident in your new clothes. Second, feeling good in what you wear will help you accept and adjust to your new body more quickly.
WHAT’S THE RIGHT TIME TO WORK ON YOUR WARDROBE?
The right time is now. There are plenty of ways to accommodate fluctuating weight with clothing (more on that in my next post). But if your current wardrobe and style don’t make you feel good, beautiful, or confident, don’t wait. It’s already hard enough when you’re not in tune with your body, and wearing clothes that don’t make you happy only adds to the frustration. In fact, it constantly reminds you that you’re not satisfied with your current shape.
Trying to reach your goals with negative or punishing feelings—like denying yourself something nice until you reach that goal—isn’t a healthy strategy. You’re already facing a challenge, so why make it harder on yourself? You can start small, taking baby steps at first. Don’t feel pressured to overhaul your entire wardrobe all at once.
Many of you who texted me mentioned that you weren’t happy with your everyday “mom uniform” of workout clothes or loungewear. It didn’t feel put-together, but finding other equally comfortable options was a challenge. Here are some tips that can help.
If sweatpants are the ultimate comfort for you, let it be. Just go for the ones that are less sporty and have the refinement of the tailored pants:
Drawstring, or elasticated waist pants. Same level of comfort and freedom of movement as sweatpants in my book but but with more refinement to them.
Add some classic and more put-together elements while still keeping that “ease” feeling. I’m talking about relaxed button-down shirts. They are also easy to manipulate if you are breastfeeding:
Cozy dresses with the freedom of movement:
Comfortable shoes that are not sneakers:
Details matter. Jewelry can really elevate your basic mom looks:
WHEN YOUR WANTS AND NEEDS GO SEPARATE WAYS
Here’s what you told me: “I struggled with wanting to dress one way, but it wasn’t practical or didn’t fit my life as a mom (breastfeeding, messy kids, etc.). It felt discouraging at first and made me confused about what my style was.”
Being honest with yourself about your actual lifestyle is such a hard thing to grasp. That’s why I always tell my clients (and remind myself too!) that it’s important to understand what attracts you to certain outfits. Let me give you an example. I love slip dresses. I feel beautiful, feminine, and confident when I wear them, especially when paired with a cool blazer from my husband’s closet. Whenever I shop online, my heart skips a beat when I see a lacy slip dress. I start imagining myself wearing it. But then I stop. I know that even though it would make me feel a certain way, it would be a waste of money.
Why? Because my lifestyle has nothing to do with wearing slip dresses. I ride my electric bike daily to drop off my daughter at school. I pick her up on my bike, and then we head to the playground. A slip dress? Are you kidding me?
That’s why it’s crucial to understand what draws you to a particular piece and find other ways to incorporate that vibe into your daily outfits with kids. Often, this can be done through accessories, shapes, and silhouettes.
For me, what attracts me to a slip dress is its femininity and elegance. I’ve started incorporating that feel through accessories and silhouettes. When I want to achieve that vibe, I pair statement jewelry like large earrings, bracelets, and rings with more body-hugging clothes. Sometimes, it’s a little silk scarf I tie around my neck. More often than not, it’s my sunglasses. Do you see where I’m going with this? While it may not be the literal "slip dress" that I love so much, it will be something that makes me feel better and more like myself in my everyday looks.
I still feel like I could say so much more on this topic, but let’s stop here for now. I’d love to invite you to join the conversation in the comments below. What part of this post felt relatable to you? Share your own secrets about how you make your style and wardrobe work for you! And let me know what else you’d like to hear on this topic.